Diets Suck!

If you think Diets are fun, then I would highly recommend a good physiatrist. All my life, I have fought with weight and never being, in what I consider “in control”.

Grandpa Gustafson Quotes from “Grumpier Old Men:

“Well let me tell you something now, Johnny. Last Thursday, I turned 95 years old. And I never exercised a day in my life. Every morning, I wake up, and I smoke a cigarette. And then I eat five strips of bacon. And for lunch, I eat a bacon sandwich. And for a midday snack? BACON! A whole damn plate! And I usually drink my dinner. Now according to all of them flat-belly experts, I should've taken a dirt nap like thirty years ago. But each year comes and goes, and I'm still here. Ha! And they keep dying'.”

That quote always sings in my head when I diet. We all try and meet our goals. We love our cloths to fit the same year after year. But really, I just don’t exercise like I did when I was younger. I sure eat the same though. My wife is the exercise freak, running, biking, hiking, and getting up at an ungodly time in the morning to go lift weights with her girlfriends. She looks great. I however, look like what I consider a fat version of Brad Pitt!

My wife suggested running to me, but I would rather not unless being chased by a large animal. She also suggested Swimming. Riiiiiiiiiiight! I don’t jump into pools unless I’m on fire. I have many reasons why I don’t do those things, but the simple matter is this, I don’t like it!

My idea of exercise is walking a river with my Fly rod. My view on weight lifting is picking up 5 lbs Brown Trout out of the water. Also, water is for wading in to get to the other side of the bank so you can cast into a “sweet spot”. My view on covering long distances on foot, is to not run but saunter while keeping your eye on the ground in hopes of finding some petrified Palm wood, or Wyoming Jade. Hell, you only want to run when you see your truck rolling away because you forgot to set the break.

That’s what I consider “exercise”, the rest of you can beat the hell out of the Treadmill, Stair Masters, Dumb bells and Yoga mat in your cute spandex pants and favorite team T-Shirt. As for me, I’m going to go  Fly fishing and maybe later drive out to the Red Dessert for some rock hounding. After that, I’ll head home and prepare me what I consider a diet meal.

Dan Dan Noodles

Ingredients

1/4 cup peanut oil

1/2 cup raw peanuts

1 small jalapeño, minced

1 small garlic clove, halved

One 1/4-inch slice of fresh ginger, peeled and chopped

2 1/2 tablespoons soy sauce

2 tablespoons water

1 1/2 tablespoons rice vinegar
1 tablespoon Sriracha chile sauce
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon Asian sesame oil
Kosher salt
12 ounces chow Mein noodles

Directions

In a large skillet, heat the peanut oil. Add the peanuts and fry over moderate heat until golden, about 8 minutes; let cool slightly. Transfer the peanuts and oil to a food processor. Add the jalapeño, garlic and ginger and process until minced. Add the soy sauce, water, rice vinegar, Sriracha, sugar and sesame oil and process until smooth.

Season generously with salt.

In a pot of boiling salted water, cook the noodles until al dente. Drain and rinse under cold water; pat dry. Toss the noodles with the dressing and mound in serving bowls; top with the garnishes and serve.

Always make this after a long day of Fly fishing or Rock Hounding.

Finito!